I am such a bad mom... I didn't breast feed! Oh No!
Nina SayThere has always been a huge line drawn between the "Good Mothers" and "Bad Mothers" (According to some) regarding the choice to breastfeed or to bottle feed. Well you know what I say to that? SCREW YOU! Do not take it personally, I mean everyone who told me I did my baby wrong by not breastfeeding expects me not to take it personal right? Wrong.
In my experiences, breast feeding was something I really wanted to do... but it just was not happening. I consulted nurses, and other mothers, and family members on tips and tricks that has worked for them in the past. Believe me, I tried everything. From the moment my daughter was born, she just did not like the breast. She would scream bloody murder when I would attempt it. No matter what position I held her in, or any method I used to trick her into latching onto me. I went on to try the nipple shield, and she would latch for maybe a few seconds before getting angry and throwing a temper tantrum. Maybe part of it was that my milk never really came in, she was not satisfied with the "flow" she was getting when she would try it. I even went and bought a breast pump to try and salvage the little bit of milk I would produce. But even after an hour of pumping, I would only have about an ounce of milk. So I gave up after two weeks of trying.. what do you want me to do? Starve my child?
Afterwards, I was embarrassed to tell family and friends that I had quit trying. And every time somebody would approach me and ask me if I breast fed my child. I would shyly say no. I was always afraid to hear another lecture about how I am not doing the best for my baby because I wasn't breast feeding. This really tore me up, not only was I already struggling emotionally because I could not get the hang of breast feeding... I was going through a horrible bout of Postpartum Depression. And believe me... I was bad. There was one incident where I was watching the movie "7 Pounds" with my husband, and the scene came were the main character was about to kill himself in the bathtub with jellyfish. And it felt like something died in me, and I started bawling and begging my husband to turn the movie off. I sat in my bed and cried for about two hours. The feeling that scene gave me messed me up.
So to all of the people who love to preach to the mothers who cant breast feed, or hell, even those who just choose not too. I would like to take this time to say this: mind your own damn business. Not everybody is as perfect as you are.. (obviously) And if breast feeding is so important to YOU, then try to only worry about YOU breastfeeding.
I know that one day I will try to have my second child, and I know I will try again to breast feed. But if it does not work out again, then so be it. I will never again let myself be brought down because of someone else's opinion. My happiness is not worth sacrificing to please someone else's expectations of me as a mother. My daughter is now 11 months old, and she is well above her expected percentile being formula fed. She is smart, and witty, and I bet that blows the minds of the people who think bottle fed babies are dumber than a doornail. I know I did the right thing for my daughter and myself.
I. Do. Not. Regret. Bottle. Feeding.
Get over it.
Reader Comments (26)
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I completely understand you! Believe me! I simply chose NOT to with my first. I was 18 and I just wasn't comfortable with the whole idea. When my midwife walked in and found out that I offered a bottle she flipped. I told her: my baby, my choice! My SIL had just had a baby she was 25 and was BF only. No one could understand that I simply didn't want too.
Baby #2 came and the actual pregnancy was once again a surprise. We found out while planning our wedding. So we postponed the wedding until after his birth. He was so hungry all the time that I could leave the house. He was constantly attached to my body. I would try pumping you name it but if he was latched on I was puddling the floor. I didn't want to worry about it on my wedding day so at 6 weeks I stopped. Everyone gave me their opinion.
I am trying for baby #3 and I'd love to aim for at least 6 months next time. Its hard b/c I work and I'll be back to work 2 weeks later so I'll do whatever best fits us. Not everyone else.
If you can do it thats great but in my mind, no one has the right to put someone down for their choices. Especially when you couldn't.
Thank you for this post. I did breastfeed my son, but trust me it is a struggle each and every day to give him what little milk i have and i am tired of peopel making me feel like I failed him by having to supplement with formula. My son is just as healthy as a fully breastfed baby and I don't think breastfeeding makes them smarter or any of that other crap.
MY oldest son was not breastfed at all and he is smarter then most breastfed kids his age. I say to hell with those with their stupid opinion, I will do what I feel is best with my child and screw you for trying to make me feel bad about it.
Great post! I wrote about the same thing today.
How did you get your widget to start showing back up? Mine has been out since yesterday.
It is always so odd for me to hear about someone looking down on someone else for not breastfeeding. How does it really effect the other person? It doesn't. In my experience, it was just the opposite. Everyone expected me to bottle feed and I chose to breastfeed. Not many people around here do breastfeed, so I had everyone telling me I couldn't do it, etc.
I'm glad you tried! It doesn't work for everyone and there is no reason for anyone to feel like a bad parent because of it. I posted about this the other day. I would love for you to come by and read it!
http://notsoaveragemama.com/2009/11/17/bottle-or-breast-words-from-the-breastfeeding-nazi/
Not everything is for everyone. There are bigger things to worry about.
(from Momdot)
Great post! Breastfeeding does not work for everyone. I breastfed both my kids one ONE boob, lol and pumped the other one for 12 months! Talk about a PAIN! Why did I pump one you ask? Because for some reason they would NOT latch onto it and there was NO WAY I was going to have a huge boob and a small one! Oh the joys :)
I didn't breast feed. And who ever don't like it Too Bad!
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It's not fair that any mother be made to feel like she's a bad mom simply because she chose not to breastfeed.
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Each to their own I say. :)
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I breastfed for 10 weeks - but it was difficult and I stopped at that point. Not one should be made to feel badly about what they can't (or don't want to do). It's a personal choice, and for some people the choice is made for them!
Sarah
(PS - following you from MBC)
I'm so glad you wrote this! There are many different reasons women do not breastfeed. It's a mothers own choice. I see so many articles where mothers are bashed for not breastfeeding. Strangers do not know your reasons and they should mind there own business! We are all individuals with choices so the ones who criticize should get over themselves. Also, it's not like you didn't try. Many mothers do not try and I think that's okay too. To each her own.
We had serious issues bfing in this house. The ped told me to stop at 4 months with our son because he was gaining enough weight, Nope he's just small. Our daughter has severe allergies and it took 6 months of doctors, screaming and hives before we finally learned what the problem was. If I had continued to breastfeed her she would have died. Your body, your child, your choice. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
I breastfeed both my babies, my first exclusively for 9 months and my second exclusively for 6 months and supplemented with formula until 8 months. And let me tell you it was HARD. I worked full time and never had a fabulous supply so I had to work really hard at keeping my supply up. For my first he had a milk protein allergy and was also allergic to soy (he eventually grew out of it) so I had to eliminate almost all dairy. It was sooooo hard. My opinion has always been that you do as much as you can as long as you can while still keeping your sanity. I don't judge others who didn't go as long as I did just as I hope others don't judge me for not making it a full year. As mothers we do as much as we can for our babies and no one has the right to judge us for making a different decision than another. And as someone with supply issues myself, it isn't fair to think that because it was easy for you that it the same for someone else. Good for you and standing up for yourself in your post!
I myself if I can breastfeed, would hope to for the first 6-9 months. But honestly if someone breast feeds or not is no ones concern. I think people judge too much. They need to live their own life and worry about themselves.
Your post is so true! I feel like I was guilted into breastfeeding my son, who became a boobie addict and was literally stuck to my boobie for over a year! a year!! He wouldn't even take a bottle. I now know that it's a personal choice that I get to make myself, and I do not plan on breastfeeding anymore of my babies. To be honest I see no difference in my son and the little guy I babysit for who was not breastfed...just my opinion though! Following from MBC, hope to see you at http://luvsjurn3.blogspot.com soon!
I can relate to your post. I didn't breast feed my daughter, and people tried to make me feel guilty. I choice not to breast feed, and my daughter turned out just fine.
I'm a grandmother now, and my daughter choose to breast feed her son. She enjoyed her experience; however, personally I don't see where my grandson is any more or less healthier or intelligent than she was. It should be a choice foe everyone.
Gotta love the judgmental dumb fucks in this world. Does it really matter how the child is fed as long as the baby is getting fed. I bottle fed and she was off the bottle at 9 months.
Hi I am now following from MBC! People shoould not judge what they do not know. I am so sorry you have such a tough time! No one should ever make you feel bad! I breastfed my first two for a year and plan on feeding this one due in January but it was, with both kids, the hardest thing I have ever done for the first 3 or 4 months. I had constant mastitis and had to weigh at every feeding.
But the other day a binch of girls made fun of me from bfeeding so I get being upset at your choices. They were grossed out by bfeeding moms and basically called us unstylish (WTF?) granola mommas.
Again, best not to judge. Great post!
Thanks for taking this. Hot blog posting on your website. I was checking your blog post and I have bookmark your blog already.
Breastfeeding is hard! My oldest was born with a cyst under his tongue. This made one side of his tongue not grow while inside me. He was also tongue tied. Then my youngest was latching wrong. I had major sores on my nipples. OUCH! One of my kids had a staph infection at 7 months in his neck, and the other had meningitis at 2 months. My milk supply went way down. I struggled! I went on to nurse them both until they were 2 years old. They were at that time nurseoholic's! I had to cut them off. They would not wean themselves.
I never judge people for not nursing. I know it's hard. I started a blog about nursing to help people out. Not to tell them that was the only option out there.
I got the opposite in comments. People would say, "When are you going to wean him? I thought you were quitting? Isn't it time you quit?"
I'm really sad you wrote this post.
I'm a pretty big breastfeeding advocate, but much more importantly, I'm a breastfeeding cheerleader. I wish this post could have been "woohoo! I made it a month!" or a week or a day or anything other than feeling bad about breastfeeding.
Someone once called me a lactivist. I don't consider myself one. I advocate for breastfeeding moms and support them, but when it comes to choosing how to feed your child, well, there's more than one option.
AMEN, sister!
quite literally we had the exact same happen to us & i was SO tired of all the BFing moms telling me their kids were smarter & healthier {most of whom weren't hitting milestones as quickly as my formula-fed baby who by the way never had an ear infection, much like her BFed playdates....}.
good for you for sticking up!
This post was specifically for those who pushed and pushed and pushed me and did nothing but lecture and talk down to me. If someone had in fact cheered me on and told me I was doing a good job trying even though not succeeding this post would definitely have a different tone.
This is a very old post, too. I'm not as heated on the subject as I was back when I wrote this.